I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.