I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.