I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.