I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.