You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.