You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.