You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.