I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.