I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.