When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.