I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
Emo PhilipsI once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Emo PhilipsMy grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo PhilipsI pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes โLord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.โ
Emo Philips