When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.