When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.

The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.