When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.