I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.