I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.