My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.