My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.