My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.

When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.