The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.