I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.