If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Isn't this a wonderful country? I was in Florida. I'm staying at a motel called the Three Palms. It's run by a middle-aged couple, one of whom is missing a hand. OK! That's what I thought, too! But they got upset when I asked.

I try not to talk during the day when I have a show that night. My voice is my instrument, just like a saxophonist's instrument is his saxophone, plus also his voice, if he's the one between tunes that makes announcements.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.