I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.