The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?