Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.

I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.