I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
Emo PhilipsI told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Emo PhilipsI grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
Emo PhilipsMy parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
Emo Philips