The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

Well! I feel happy these days. I've started taking a herbal anti-depressant. It's called Saint John's Wort. Apparently it's the best-selling anti-depressant in many places. It's the most popular anti-depressant in Germany... After, I'm guessing, amnesia.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.