One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.