People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?