Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.

I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution.