I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.