I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.