I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.