Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.