Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.