I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.