I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.
I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.