I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.

I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.

Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.