You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

I learned about sex the hard way... from books.

The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.