Some comedians change their style, often to their advantage; but I see no reason why I can't continue with the "urbane sophisticate" 'til the day I die.

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.

I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.