My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.

I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.

I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.