I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"
Emo PhilipsI was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
Emo PhilipsMy first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
Emo Philips