My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.