My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution.

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.