I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.