I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.

If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.

I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.