If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

I learned about sex the hard way... from books.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.