I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.

I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.

I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.