I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.