I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.

They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.