Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.