Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.

I try not to talk during the day when I have a show that night. My voice is my instrument, just like a saxophonist's instrument is his saxophone, plus also his voice, if he's the one between tunes that makes announcements.