Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.