I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”

I'm from Downer's Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.