My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, "we've never had a democrat in the family before".

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?