My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.