I'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.