So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Even the worst comic is at least somewhat entertaining, if only in a pathological way, for five minutes.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.