Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them!

Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!

Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.