I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.

I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.

There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.