I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.