New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, how are you going to get into the corners?"

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.