Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.

I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.