Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution.

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.