I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.