I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

The only work I ever turned down was a cable programme called Diving for Excrement.

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.