I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.

Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.