A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.

Some comedians change their style, often to their advantage; but I see no reason why I can't continue with the "urbane sophisticate" 'til the day I die.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.