A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.