A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.