Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?

Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.

My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.

I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.