Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution.

I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.