I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

Even the worst comic is at least somewhat entertaining, if only in a pathological way, for five minutes.